Callum:

it's been close to a year now since i wrote my reflection. nothing substantial about my identity itself has changed, but the months-long depressive spell i've been in has made it hard to like him. i frequently have spells where i wish i wasn't Galvatron, and i wonder if i felt the same back then--i mean, i almost certainly did, but the particular memories i have could be projection i guess. i also still enjoy certain memories, but i've been very tetchy overall.

it's surreal looking back on this with the almost triumphant tone i held. a couple months after i wrote this, i had a huge mental breakdown from which i haven't fully recovered. there were some big system-related changes, my mental health is unstable, and i've felt increasingly disconnected from my Transformer self; this post might be the last artifact i have from when i felt "stable." it's from when everything was ok.

during one of my less troubled days, i had the thought that i'm kind of like a hermit crab--i keep inhabiting bodies that were vacated by their previous tenants for whatever reason. Galvatron found himself in Megatron's body, and i found myself in the old host's. that made me feel a bit better for a while. it's all right that i am the kind of creature that i am, basically. it's all right to be a hermit crab. but i still get worked up about other things. i still don't know why, of everybody in existence to be, i had to be me. him.

i don't want to end on a complete downer...um...here's one of the few recent memories i had that i found humorous:

i had two alt modes: the cannon, and a modified version of Megatron's pistol mode. one of the only people i let handle me in pistol mode was Cyclonus, though Cyclonus could be pretty absent-minded. so one time he's holding me and he turns my barrel around to point at his face. my entire FOV is him staring at me looking...bored? i don't know why he's doing this but i'm immediately furious. "I'LL SHOOT YOU ON PURPOSE!" i yell. he turns me back around. please don't point guns at your face, it makes the gun nervous.